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Seeking a Reason to Live

My first week in Toronto has been fun thus far. I might post about it upon the completion of my entire vacation here. Check my facebook for daily picture updates. I have some time on my hands this morning, so I'll make one of my spur-of-the-moment posts, which I normally delete before anyone manages to read it. Being on vacation, though, that may not be quite a simple task since my access to a computer is limited.

Not going to talk politics, since I have not been keeping track of current events. The subject is faith: being completely spontaneous, I'm not sure what direction this post will end up in, or what I'll even throw out, but enough of this typing to myself, time for some jotting down of ideas!

Christianity is spreading in America at a more rapid pace than massive wildfires consuming acres upon acres of forested land. How does such a personal faith, fundamentally theological, become an iconic political force in this nation? By now I've briefly touched on how America has become so Christianized in my posts of late (i.e. Christianizing foreign policy in the Middle East; disregard to international law), and even called Americans to a return to a genuine, personal relationship between Christ and man, rather than the current blown-up status of an impersonal religion controlled by a domineering state.

How on earth can I, as a rational thinker, continue to believe in a personal faith when this same faith is butchered into an impersonal, political force currently directly killing or endorsing the killing of hundreds of thousands of civilians? How can I say, next to a Buddhist monk meditating on peace, that Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life when he sees it as Christ is the way to destruction, ultimate deception, and death? In practical terms observed by the human's physical senses, it is not possible. Christian America is the physical, observable antitheses of the Christian faith. So for all those Christians out there trying to rationalize America's actions to the nonbeliever, stop.

How do I convince myself, then, to believe in God? Seeking a genuine conviction in purely theological terms has led to even more problems than the aforementioned physical, observable manifestations of a politicized Christianity. Here, new problems of the metaphysical and epistimological inevitably arise. God's purpose of life, as laid out in the Bible, while enriching, leads to alternate purposes of life. Why is God's purpose THE purpose, why is Christ the ONLY way? Is Christianity a condemnation of every other faith? Moreover, is this why America is violently clashing with other faith-based nations and imposing God's Christian democracy? This is a dangerous leap to compare faith and politicized religion, but everyone will inevitably come to this conclusion. The Christian faith's emphasis on the exclusive and the extreme (ONLY way) draws a parallel with America's invocation of God's plan to liberate the Middle East.

Christianity is one of the only faiths to talk about Creation: the origins of man. For many years, the Bible has been an undisputable reference for mankind's beginnings. Now, science has progressed and dominated this area Christianity once proudly monopolized. It could even be said that the Christian argument for creation puts Christianity below other faiths which don't bother to touch on this subject, because the trite Christian view has become obsolete. Like many ignorant, single-minded Christians, I was at once captivated by the books of Lee Strobel, who immediately dismissed evolution with overpowering evidence from Christian theologians and scientists. However, exposing myself to evolution through geniuses such as Richard Dawkins and some of my instructors, evolution is not only plausible, but almost unquestionably possible. Thus, rationalists will find the creationists' view hardly satisfying and academically unchallenging and simplistic.

So, on the three fronts I've explored: phsyical manifestations of political Christianity, metaphysical implications resulting from Christianity, and a beaten-down story of the origins of mankind, the rational mind would conclude that the Christian faith is a sham bought by millions of stubborn, apathetic people who are unwilling to accept any alternate avenue as fact. These Christian people, in turn, ruin the image of academic America by conforming to the vices of a Christianized polity because all they want is simple security that they will go to a happy place paved with streets of gold in their afterlife. Admittingly and sadly, much of this is true. Without understanding other views objectively, there can be no morals in righting the wrongs of our nation (all the physical, observable vices propetuate). Where there is no critical analysis, there can be no genuine faith (why believe if only for security and conformity?). Where there is no acknowledgment of the progress of science, there can only be ugly, Christian cynicism of picking and choosing what to believe, what to dismiss based on what the masses believe or what pastors tell you to believe.

I've laid out three primary areas which, to me, seem most detracting from the Christian faith. Now I will counter with why I can believe in God, and why I wish to renew my faith. Below I will paste an excerpt from the Bible, found in Romans 1:18-32:

18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

 

    21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

 

    24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

 

    26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

 

    28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. 

This passage addresses the three detractors I've discussed. It talks about why there is sin and perversion of the faith, and the scary part is, that God "gave them over to their shameful lusts" (26). Like these men, I left my faith even though I experienced God (21) and God worked through me--freshman and sophomore year of high school, though many of you have either forgotten or were too young/old to be around me, I held a passionate flame for Christ. But as I got into exposing my mind, I found additional ideas to add into my knowledge bank, which God "gave them over to a depraved mind" (28). This passage mentions that the men "exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal men and birds..." (23). The emphasis is on sacrificing the glory of God in exchange for new ideas (in this case I interpret as evolution).

I have no doubt that evolution and its many remarkable discoveries hold truth. However, unlike Dawkins, I've come to realize that evolution has sadly replaced God's glory and purpose for its own-- Dawkins' evolution claims that we as humans are only temporary hosts for a greater phenomenon- the replication and survival of "selfish" genes, which are passed down generations to generations through more and more hosts so that in the end, humanity is reduced to zero and genetic multiplication is absolutized into infinite glory. Thus, our purpose is to live, reproduce, and die and the real survivors are the genes.

I find that this view is widely accepted by many people at UW, and if this view were the absolute truth, then even academics could turn as lazy as the aforementioned ignorant Christian masses because their purpose, per se, is really no purpose at all. That is, people are meaningless. When I place that side by side with Christian faith, which gives me a reason to live, that being love, I can now set my eyes on higher ideals preached by Christ.

A final note that has made me come to realize that evolution does not explain: the supernatural appearances of spirits. I am not a superstitious person, but I do believe in black magic, ghosts, and witchcraft: all of which are addressed as real phenomenon in the Bible. Mutant powers may be a genetic advance, but worshipping spirits, devils, and God for powers, magic, supernatural abilities, or gifts of the Holy Spirit-- and then actually receiving them-- is too overwhelming of a point to overlook in the perspective of an evolutionist.

But alas, I return to the point of love, and once again my early example of the Buddhist monk meditating on world peace and love. Is there indeed a Christian, agape (unconditional) "Love" different from the love exemplified by human altruists like Gandhi or Mother Theresa or (dare I say) Guevara? Genuine Christian "Love" is indeed as dangerous as political Christianity which spawns aggressive foreign policy in the name of Christian "Love". This is because it invokes the absolute, the extreme, the final. Honestly, on this point, I can only say that you must experience this love firsthand from Christ himself, and once you do, you will understand.

In closing, this post is truly a personal journal entry because the point of all these thoughts jotted down randomly on an online post is to help me renew my faith and rededicate my life to Christ. When I hear of stories of Christ's power and work in the lives of Christians, I am both amazed and envious. In some ways, I desire my own similar experience. I also know much of this world needs a genuine purpose so that we can start rectifying mankind's grievances. If this has belittled other faiths in some way, I apologize since that is not my intention. I'm merely a simple guy wishing to seek an avenue that will provide inner peace and selfless love... and since this is kind of a scrambled post about my doubts, I feel as though my Christian rebuttals are weak and sometimes forced. So if you have any suggestions, Christian or nonChristian, please share your thoughts!